Why I Can Never Go Back to Tesco

A simple trip to Tesco, thats all I asked for. The promise of lasagna burned in my brain and belly. I had a quick list of 8 or so items that I had to get, so I grabbed those and ran to the line. To my horror each of the lanes had at least 3 people in them buying CARTS full of food. Oh well. I resigned myself to what LOOKED like the shortest line and began to wait. As the other lines began to move around me, I began to question my choice as my line had stood still for 5 minutes. The one next to me only had one person, so I eased my way over there. As I joined the line, I noticed about 4 feet behind me was a cart filled to the brim with food. No one was manning the cart and it wasn't in any particular line so I figured it was part of the display.
Ha, wrong.
This story is now going to sound like a Dane Cook bit, I assure you I have made NONE of this up.
As I'm standing in line I hear someone come up behind me and sigh with disapproval. Uh oh. I think someone might have had that cart. I don't turn around as I HATE confrontation. As long as I don't see the persons face then I can't be sure that they were the person I may have just cut. Out of the corner of my eye I see the cart inching up next to me. Ohhhhh balls. The lady is getting agressive. This is going to be a race. I grab my basket with both hands, ready to use it as a weapon if neccessary. Just when I think we've reached a passive agreement, the cart nudges into my leg. Oh no....oh no she isn't. She couldn't be. Yes, yes she is. The woman was using her cart much like an ancient roman chariot and trying to literally force me out of the line. NOW IT'S ON. I focus all of my energy into being a brick wall. Eyes on the cashier, focus like a fox. As the person in front of my finshes up, I take a giant step forward and block the aisle with my body. Once I am safely in the check out lane I take a glance back to find a stare of icy cold death coming from a somewhat old woman. Victory is mine
But its not done.
I put my 8 items on the belt (she should have let me go anyway, I had 8 items, she had roughly 129). The cashier looks at what I'm buying and says "oh, you must be a student". Why? I don't know, I was buying lasagna items, not ramen. I smile and say yes, up at UCD. I'm anxious to get the hell out of Tesco before the woman pulls a gun out on me. The cashier stops ringing me up and says "oh! An American! Great!" I start freaking out, the woman behind me is pacing and muttering, the cashier has completely stopped checking me out and I am stuck in the aisle between someones cart and the woman who wants to kill me. Me-"Yes, America"
Cashier-"New York?"
Me-"Yea! Right outside New York"
Cashier-"I'm part of this group, and our leader lives in New York"

oh no. no no no no no

me-"oh...good?"
Cashier-"we're sort of like a family, only a really big family in 80 different countries"
me-"that sounds nice"
Cashier-"Let me give you my leaders number for when you go back"

no no no no no no no

me-"oh well"
Lady behind us-*fuming*
me-*small cry of fear*
Cashier-"really, he'd be GLAD to hear from you. We love new people"

by the grace of god she finished ringing me up at that point. I grabbed my recipt, said "Thanks but no. I really like Ireland, I think I'm just going to stay here, probably not going back to New York" and RAN

I just wanted some lasagna.